


A Bad Russian Translation of The Beloved Children's Book 'The Baby-sitters Club'

by Pepsi (Pepsiiii)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I have very little to add, M/M, Prince Lev Haiba, Rich Tsukishima Kei, please read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:34:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25618951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pepsiiii/pseuds/Pepsi
Summary: Tsukishima Kei needed a babysitter.Lev Haiba, son of the Empress of Russia, prince (and possible king) of the Russian empire, child of untold wealth and fortune, was his new babysitter.
Relationships: Haiba Lev & Miya Osamu, Haiba Lev/Tsukishima Kei
Kudos: 22





	A Bad Russian Translation of The Beloved Children's Book 'The Baby-sitters Club'

“I need to get wasted.”

“It’s 8 am sir.”

“What’s the weather out today?”

“Uh- ”

Lev looks out the window next to him. The sky is a cloudy dark gray and the glass is dripping wet. There’s a storm coming, a big one if the smell of rain seeping through the wooden frame of the window said anything.

“It’s going to storm soon. Dark gray sky, lots of clouds- the works.”

“Gray is just black with a hint of white added. Black sky means night and night, my dear butler-“

Tsukishima gets up and grabs the bottle of whiskey off the serving tray, popping the top off in the process.

“Is the perfect time to drink.”

Oh, Lev was  _ so  _ fired. 

$

Tsukishima Kei needed a babysitter. 

Lev Haiba,  _ son of the Empress of Russia, prince (and possible king) of the Russian empire, child of untold wealth and fortune _ , was his new babysitter. 

Lev doesn’t know what or why he was the chosen babysitter, (he did know why. Kinda. He knows why he was kicked out at least. It was after a night of fun with a classmate or two, sister barges in, things got naggy and judgmental. A speech about purity and one's conscience and how no Russian prince whores himself around in such a way- “ _ I know you’re cool Lev but you need to learn humility! To be mundane is to understand the people you’ll rule! Stop being so fucking sexy and seducing everyone you meet blah blah blah!”  _ 3 months later he’s in fucking somewhere god knows he wasn’t paying attention as the captain yelled out the name as they docked to the harbor) but he was the babysitter for the youngest noble son of the esteemed Tsukishima household. 

Their untold riches and fame around the countryside was something Lev had heard about constantly since he got in the ship all those months ago but if you asked him their manor (the biggest, nicest house in the _ whole fucking country, apparently _ ) was as nice as his bathroom when he was nothing more then a toddler. That is to say- it isn’t that nice. 

Bit shitty actually. 

Lev assumed the people of this country had a different definition of ‘riches’ and ‘aristocracy’—also ‘noble’. He held nothing against them, the cultures outside his home country were bound to be less. His sister prepared him for this. 

_ “You expect a filling meal from a chef, so when served by a student do not hold it against them when they fall short.”  _ As she always said. 

$

The Tsukishima’s were a sad family, pitiful even, but more importantly, they were boring. 

The head of the family was the mother (Lev too came from a family run by a mother so he understood perfectly and respected her for it) a miss …  _ something something _ Tsukishima. It wasn’t his job to know her full name, just like it wasn’t his job to talk to her. From what he heard from servants within the home and simple peasants alike, she was a tender-hearted woman who worked tirelessly for the good of her sons and her country. Lev believed it because if he knew anything about parenting and working for one’s country (if one was absent from the home 70% of the time, they were probably doing a great job). 

The oldest son was a loser. Lev has yet to see him since he supposedly came and went often, his office and  _ actual _ home sat on a hill somewhere in the middle of nowhere (in a country of nothing-much) so whenever he wasn’t on holiday or sick with some kind of pox, he was gone. Lev didn’t know much, if anything, about the oldest brother, but he did know that Tsukishima (the one he’s watching) talked about him as if he was nothing more than a wet towel— and Lev, ever the noble, didn’t bother with dirty laundry. 

The youngest son,  _ the Tsukishima Kei in question,  _ was a mess. Completely and utterly disastrous. Totally and without a doubt unable to care for himself and his duties as youngest and last in line for their little DIY pocket empire (Lev will explain more later). Tsukishima was, for one, boring. He was boring in the way that dishes or silverware was boring. You didn’t exactly expect the objects to have any sort of value or personality outside of their intended purpose, but as you stare at the dishes your brain grows slow and tired and your eyes (all dry and bored) start trying to break apart the origins of the cutlery as if a secret untold truth was bound to be hidden somewhere underneath the gleaming gold coating. 

But, again— dish.

No secrets, no anything. It has a simple purpose it was created for and it serves that purpose fine but in the most mundane ways (it should be noted no one in their right mind would even think about their dishes in such a thoughtful manner but Lev was a naturally thoughtful boy, a god-given gift,  _ and  _ got bored easily and when bored he becomes a bit curious and begins to pry the truth out of anything around him, and eventually replace the truth when it bored him). 

Tsukishima bores him quite a lot 

Tsukishima was also a fucking asshole. He was also hot. So, it evened out. Lev was a firm believer that if someone was good looking enough, whatever problems or stains their personality had could be ignored. 

It should be noted that as of late Lev has been growing soft on his beliefs because Tsukishima Kei had a way of making Lev think everything he knew about life was wrong. 

$

Lev wasn’t a butler. Tsukishima called him a butler but Lev was  _ not  _ a butler. He was a … chaperone of sorts. 

Lev’s job wasn’t explained to him until he actually got to the manor but the cut and dry of it was the job of a  maid, butler  chaperone. All Lev had to do was watch Tsukishima, make sure he ate at least twice a day and didn’t drink before 1 pm or after 8 pm, help him keep track of his work and social obligations and (the most important part of all as instructed by the head Tsukishima) teach him how to be alive and full of vigor.

Lev knew a few ways to make someone feel alive and full of vigor but he’s pretty sure Tsukishima wouldn’t give him the time of day. 

But an easy job. Very easy actually. The first part at least, making Tsukishima feel “alive” was turning out to be much more difficult than Lev first thought. Also, the drinking part was a bit hard. Tsukishima drank a lot. If Lev didn’t know any better he’d think Tsukishima came from Russia with him (he only drank between 9 pm and 12 pm though, not great for Lev’s whole job thing).

He had shitty taste in alcohol but he was a 20 year old in a country known for fuck-all so, Lev (once again), holds Tsukishima’s bad taste against the state, not him. 

$

“Don’t you ever get bored of looking at me all day?”

Lev looked up from the book he was skimming. The countryside literature he was subjected to inside this house made his mind feel dull but a scholar such as himself couldn’t just stop reading (he hated reading usually, his sister would be so proud). The book was about the economic struggles of the country Lev was in and, assuming the book was accurate, was very troubling. They’ve been broke for years and just  _ recently  _ got to any sort of stable financial standing. All because of some random nobodies who brought some kind of needed life into the government (Lev thought everyone who lived in this country was a nobody since he knew of no one and nothing ever originating here). 

“I wasn’t looking at you.”

Tsukki stared at Lev (Lev calls him Tsukki now because once during bath time Lev commented on Tsukishima’s many freckles all over his body and accidentally shortened the name. He wasn’t going to stick with the nickname until he saw the pissed off expression on his face and found himself getting a warm, soulful, reassuring satisfaction out of annoying him). 

“Well you do tend to stare, Haiba.”

Staring at Tsukki was nice. He was handsome and his cold glares reminded Lev of the winters he longed to return to. 

“You must excuse the staring Tsukki-”

_“Tsukishima._ ”

“Your face reminds me of my favorite prostitutes at home. It’s always nice to be reminded of what I can look forward to once this little arrangement is over.”

Tsukki didn’t say anything after that but if the sneer directed at him said anything, Lev would count that conversation as progress. 

$

“Do you have any friends Haiba?”

“I have my sister.”

“That’s sad.”

“What about you Tsukki? Got anyone willing to put up with you?” 

“A man named Yamaguchi. Close family friend since childhood.”

“Where’s he?”

“At the bottom of the ocean somewhere, surrounded by water-logged ship debris”

Lev takes a sip of his drink. 

$

Lev finds himself lonely about 5 weeks into reaching land. He’s been working with Tsukki for little over 4 weeks and he hates it and hates doing servant world and hates Tsukishima and hates this country and hates himself for being stupid enough to deserve getting forced into doing this at all.

He found a bit of comfort in the fact Tsukishima seemed to hate him too, but that comfort was blocked out by the hurt of being treated like an everyday servant and not the prince of Russia. 

Lev’s only friend in the house was the personal chef of the family. He was a bit apathetic, tad silent and judgemental but he could make a honey marmalade sandwich like no one else (Lev has never had anyone else’s marmalade sandwich, let alone one with honey, so he just assumes this chef was extremely capable- if for his own sake of mind). 

The chef (his name was Miya Osamu but Lev didn’t really take part in the whole backward name thing so just Osamu worked fine) was nice. He didn’t glare at Lev or call him stupid or an idiot or princely jester. He just made food, listened to Lev, and made his own rude yet comical comments and observations here and there. It was nice. 

“I like you Osamu!”

“I’m sure you do.”

“Hey say it back.”

“What’s your name again?”

$

**Author's Note:**

> Not done, never will be unless it is, this one is a fav of mine
> 
> you guys know the deal, comment your thoughts, praise me insistently, go on twitter and yell at me to be productive. It really means a lot when you do!
> 
> //Twt//@Burnttoastwbttr


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